You need to consider a relationship contract

Love is exciting It’s fulfilling — at least Until the dishes and laundry start to accumulate.The honeymoon ended with you before you knew it New relationship And you insist With your partner on general responsibilities like housework, finances, and everyone else. come in, Relationship contract.You may hear a little Suffocating, But according to sociologists and sex therapists Sara Melancon, Every couple has some variations 1..

What is a relationship contract?

“The” what is us “or” DTR “(relationship-determining) conversation is a casual version of a relationship contract,” Melancon said. To tell. “Similarly, many couples are discussing basic issues. It usually leads to an agreement on how to deal with such issues, such as religious preferences and the desire to have a family. “

but, Melancon saysA relationship agreement that is a set of written or verbal agreements and boundaries For how the relationship works, Make sure it is more purposeful and covers all locations.

“Signing a relationship contract is essentially a practice of honest communication and teamwork, both of which are long-term.A long-term relationship for prosperity, “says Melancon. “This can be a practical problem, Who is in charge of housework and childcare, how to manage your finances, what kind of house you want to buy, where you want to live, your preference for using your mobile phone, how often you have a date night, and so on. “

However, relationship contracts are more emotional, such as expectations for emotional or social support, efforts to grow personal and relationships, coping with conflicts, and how to prefer rewarding conversations. You can also address your concerns. It may deal with monogamy and the fact that both parties are interested in exploring outside the relationship.

“The main advantage of a relationship agreement is that both partners are on the same page,” says Melancon... “This ensures that they are in the same relationship and that no one is misunderstood or left behind.”

What are the drawbacks of relationship contracts?

“Many of us have the illusion that we fall in love with our perfect partner and everything works magically,” says Melancon.So having to actually talk about the boundaries of your relationship can make you feel sickRomantic or artificial. “

Relationship contracts can also unintentionally put pressure on certain actions, not from a sense of love, support, or commitment, but because of what the contract says.

“When one or both find it difficult to be themselves, the contract reflects that discomfort,” Melancon warns. “But the contract is intended to be flexible and renewal, so the contract can grow like a couple.”

When should a partner consider creating a relationship agreement?

According to Melancon, relationship contracts help to (re) negotiate at key turning points in a relationship, such as commitment, moving together, engaging, getting married, and having a new child. Other important life changes, such as starting a new career, making a big move, or becoming a caretaker for an older parent, can also justify a contract change.

Melancon recommends reviewing the contract annually to ensure that both are satisfied with the terms.People’s needs change throughout their lives, so relationship agreements need to be renegotiated in response to both growth and change. “

Areas to consider in your relationship agreement

If you’re looking for some inspiration about what to include in your relationship’s contacts, Melancon tells you to consider the following areas of your relationship:

Sex and intimacy

“Sex and intimacy are important, so [they] It belongs to a natural relationship contract. However, we do not recommend “requesting” a particular frequency or acting from a partner. This puts too much pressure on you and can lead your partner to have sex from duty rather than desire. ”

Instead, “We agree to value sex and intimacy and prioritize intimate relationships. Similarly, we agree to actively address issues that arise in this area.”

Monopoly

“Whether you’re monogamous, swinger, polyamory, or any other form of” open “relationship, you need to agree on the degree of exclusivity,” says Melancon. “If you are monogamous, what do you think is the monogamous boundary? If some couples consider views on pornography, masturbation, or other lonely sexual activity. Especially because these can be very delicate areas. Also, if you or your partner are having sex outside the relationship, what are the safer boundaries of sex? ??

finance

“Who pays for what? What are your savings and investment plans? Is the money your own or the property of the community? Accounts are separated or shared mosquito?

Housework, childcare, and / or pet care

“Think about the most important family jobs for each of you and why they are important,” says Melancon... “Agree on who handles each task and how often to complete the task based on preference. Childcare is a common area of ​​controversy for couples with children. Each partner is himself, their job, And make sure you have enough time for self-care. ”

Taking care of pets may not sound like a big deal, but Melancon assumes who will take the dog to an emergency vet on Wednesday afternoon, not to mention the person responsible for walking, toileting and feeding. Say it’s a good idea to discuss..

How to handle negotiations

Since it is a contract, it is natural to negotiate with the other party. When approaching a particular point, Melancon says it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team. “This isn’t about being right or winning, it’s about reaching an agreement that helps both you and you. Aim to understand first and foremost. This is what your partner sees, hears, and cherishes. It not only helps you feel being done, but also provides practical information to help you come better. Come up with a solution that works for everyone. “