The Stages of Grief After a Breakup (and How to Get Through Each)

There’s a reason breakups often feel like death. Whether you initiated the breakup or received it, there is a definite period of mourning at the end of the relationship.

“When a relationship is truly valued, a breakup can be incredibly stressful mentally, emotionally, and physically. Dr. Carla Marie Manleyclinical psychologist and author Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly. “It is natural to grieve the loss of people, relationships, and the routines of relationships that you once held dear and dear. It can be as devastating as actual death. When we grieve, we give our psyches a chance to work through and come to terms with the heavy emotions that arise from a great loss.”

It should come as no surprise that the five stages of grief first outlined by psychologist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross also apply to breakups.

“The five stages of grief—denial, anger, negotiation, depression, and acceptance—are not linear in nature. also) can reach a stage of acceptance,” says Manley. “Some people cycle rapidly through different stages (e.g., from denial to anger and quickly back to denial), while others remain in stages such as depression for long periods of time. Whether it is the end of a loved job or the loss of a loved one, the stages are the same.

With that in mind, here are five stages of grief after a breakup, along with tips for navigating each one.

rejection

“When a breakup occurs, the first stage of denial generally manifests as mistrust,” says Manley. “It’s common for people at this stage to say, ‘I can’t believe this happened to me,’ or, ‘This must be a bad dream,'” or time will help solve your problem. Or your partner may change their minds soon.

Manley emphasizes the importance of being compassionate and patient with yourself as you go through each stage of grief, but when a sense of denial arises, “it is possible to acknowledge that denial.” It is important. hope things are different— is part of the process of letting go. In other words, examine what happened and try to understand that a breakup was for the best, even if you can’t see it now.

anger

“During the anger stage, people often fumes, get angry about their ex-partners, and take their anger out on friends, society, and family,” says Manley. “At this stage, the susceptible to deathRegulations can indicate very angry behavior towards ex-partners or things related to partners (e.g. throwing away personal belongings related to ex-partners).

But according to Manley, being angry isn’t necessarily a bad thing. “When we stop to feel sad, angry, or frustrated, we are giving our emotions a chance to breathe,” she says.

but, People tend to stay in this stage for a while. I feel victimized. To wisely channel your anger, talk to a close friend or family member, or consider attending a new workout class. (Maybe boxing?)

negotiation

“Negotiations often come in the form of wishful thinking or actually reaching out and reconnecting with former partners,” says Manley.“For example, a person might call an ex-boyfriend and say, ‘Let’s try again.’ .

Bargaining is usually used as a kind of bargaining to avoid the pain you’re feeling and make you feel better (even if that means completely ignoring previous issues within the relationship). You can also involve mutual friends and family to convince your partner to come back. Instead, connect with trusted friends and family who remind you of your values ​​and values.And why breaking up was the right choice for you. Indulging yourself in a hobby or activity that boosts your confidence is another great option.

depression

“Depression is the most commonEspecially if your ex-partner really loved you,” says Manley. “Depression makes a person almost powerless, incapable of effecting real change, and the loss of Authentic. This stage is accompanied by deep grief over the loss of a partner, relationship, and other factors. Shared friends, family, familiar activities, etc. ”

Here, you may have trouble sleeping or eating, or indulge in emotion-numbing habits such as drugs, alcohol, shopping, casual sex, or overeating. “It’s important to seek the support of a psychotherapist if the grieving process feels unmanageable or is affecting your ability to function,” says Manley. “Breakups can be incredibly stressful and disappointing.

accept

Here you are finally accepting the breakup and ready to move on. It means that you have found some peace in your situation and are ready for the next phase of your life.

“Ideally, each stage should wash us out before we can move forward,” says Manley. “In this way we realize that grief is our psyche’s way of allowing us to slowly let go of our readiness to move forward.”