How to overcome dry spells in your relationship

Everything looks good at the beginning of a relationship, especially sex. Instant romps in bags are standard, as you and your partner are excited to explore each other’s bodies. You won’t be too tired or bored. In most cases, you will feel better.

But now you have been hit by a drought. It may be stressful and busy, or it may be out of timing with a rough patch with your partner. Whatever the reason, gender is rare or completely stopped. It can be weeks or months or even years. Yeah, you’re in the middle of a dry spell. So what?

“Dry spells are perfectly normal, whether in relationships or single, intentional or not. In your life and relationships, when you want to get away from sex. Is always there. It’s perfectly okay. ” Aria MooreA certified sex therapist talks to Lifehacker. “It’s all summarized in how you choose to respond to it as an individual and as a couple.”

Much of the shame that accompanies the dry season comes from the social composition of how much sex we have. should do it Have rather than focus on what is right for our current situation.

According to Moore, dry spells occur in all relationships, but many couples ignore the signs and take time to understand why it’s happening and how to improve the situation. Do not call. “Avoiding problems and staying away from your partner makes it harder to figure out how to get back into the game,” she says.

Dry spells aren’t completely normal and embarrassing, but if you’re curious about dry spells, Moore provides insight into how to get out of it.

What causes a dry spell in a relationship?

“Dry spells often occur after the” honeymoon “phase of relationships. This stage varies from couple to couple, but usually this “euphoric” stage of a relationship lasts months to two years, “Moore explains.

At the end of this phase, Moore says the couple will begin to look at their partners as to who they really are.Their shortcomings, habits, etc. “Some people are bothered by them and leave their partners, while others choose to accept and stay with their partners despite their flaws.”

However, for some people, long-term partners are always present and often not very sexy.

“They will be part of your routine until sex gets boring,” she says. “In addition, everything else that is happening in life, such as a new job or a child, is no longer a priority.”

Take into account that your partner is taken for granted and that you are working on many major issues in your life, from job demands to family and health issues.

Why sex is important in relationships

Maybe you think dry spells aren’t a big deal. As long as you and your partner are still committed and sharing life together, you can do without sex. So why do we need sex in our relationship?

“Sex is an important part of life. Sexual activity (alone or with a partner) brings many benefits to a person’s overall health and well-being,” says Moore... “In relationships, having sex increases the level of intimacy, trust, and love between partners.“

Aside from increasing mutual trust in the bed, according to Moore, sex between partners also empowers couples to open their hearts to each other and make them vulnerable.

“Regular sex improves a couple’s ability to recognize and identify their partner’s emotions. As a result, couples express their feelings not only to each other, but to others as well. Will be good at. “

In addition, when a person causes orgasm from sex, the process causes the release of the soothing hormone oxytocin. This plays an important role in building bonds between partners.

In addition, Moore says that most, if not all, couples feel more satisfied with their relationship when they can meet each other’s sexual desires. “As partners are free to express themselves, relationships tend to grow. Not only their sexual desires, desires, and Even their fantasy.. “

Identify the cause of dry spelling and address it

First you need to shape out why You don’t have sex so often or you don’t have sex at all Already. Dry spells can occur for a variety of reasons, from minor problems (such as being away from your partner due to travel or work restrictions) to more serious problems (such as trauma). Health problems, Or a problem within the relationship).

“By assessing the situation and taking a step back to identify the root cause, it becomes easier for all parties to understand and improve the dry spell,” Moore says. identification Address these issues alone or with your partner. But in any case Next you need to contact your partner.

“I can’t emphasize the importance of being open enough with your partner. If you haven’t learned the cause of dry spelling yet, you can discuss and understand it.”

If you Identified a potential cause, Moore does nothing about it and don’t wait for it to be blown off imbalanced or I will talk about it. “Sharing your concerns and listening to what your partner has to say about them (and vice versa) may surprisingly solve your dry spelling problem. , Communicating regularly with your partner helps you feel more intimate, and it also frees couples from talking to each other about something —The good and the bad. “

So how do you break that subject? If emotions are high, Moore warns you not to start a conversation with your partner. “You just regret telling them something harmful that you can’t get back.”

again, Don’t hold this conversation when your partner is just coming home from work or when you’re feeling stressed because Less likely to have a conversation Be productive, and you two will be more frustrated.

Once you’ve found the perfect moment to talk to your partner, Moore encourages you to talk about your feelings without blaming or pointing. “Don’t be afraid to say anything now.” “This has been a pain for me.” Or “The past few weeks / months have been really hard for me …” And you need now Tell your partner that you are. This approach allows couples to actually express the situation and how they feel about each other. “

It’s okay to slow things down

After having a dry spelling conversation with her partner, Moore recommends doing things slowly in the bedroom. “Don’t rush things, and don’t expect you to go from scratch right away Sex 5 times a day. “

Instead, She suggests focusing on quality time and quality sex with your partner. “Make sure you have the right mindset, especially if sleep deprivation, stress, or demanding work is the root cause of dry spells.”

Things that may help reignite Sparks remember how your courtship first began. “I’m talking about all the flirting and love-loving things you did when you were still starting out as a couple (aka, Honeymoon phase) “says Moore. “Don’t be afraid to go back to basics. Go on a date and have a conversation. The touches can continue at any time, Not just kissing, hugging and hugging. Please enjoy the moment. Keep in mind that each act does not always end in sex. Do whatever you feel comfortable at the moment. “

When she feels that sex is right, Moore suggests starting sex with words like “Do you want to do something tonight?” Or “Do you want to play?”

When things get back to their previous state, Moore says don’t be afraid to experiment and explore different ways in which you can enjoy each other from time to time. “Once you reach this point in your relationship, you have to develop a much deeper level of intimacy, and you will be amazed every time you try something new together. “

Moore emphasizes that it’s important not to expect sex to be the same as when you started as a couple. Lead To Both are disappointed.

“It’s important to remember that many things that happened to you (or your partner) in the past contributed to dry spelling: stress, lifestyle changes, physical, emotional, and psychological factors. It’s something that can’t be easily solved overnight. Again, take your time and wait patiently with your partner. ”

Moore says it’s important to focus on fostering intimacy and deeper connections with partners, without the pressure of always making everything about sex. “Do something comfortable for you at this point. If you just want to hug or kiss one day, don’t hesitate to do it. Roughly speaking, if you want to do it the next day, do it. And you If you just want to hug and talk about random things, do them too. After all, the most important thing is the bond you share with your partner. “