How to start having sex again with your spouse after a long dry

There are many reasons why a couple can fall into a dry spell, whether it’s because they’re raising a ragged little child, because they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin, or because they’re just in a rut, but a sexless marriage can be. Just because you’re sending a divorce doesn’t mean you’re going to get divorced anytime soon Also A life of purity. It also doesn’t mean you’re alone :A 2017 survey A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that of nearly 18,000 people surveyed, 15.6% of married people had not had sex in the previous year, and 13.5% had not had sex in the previous year. Five Year.

Lifehacker spoke with psychotherapists and divorce attorneys about the sexless marriages they see in their practice and what they can do to turn the situation around.

identify the cause of the dry season

Dr. Lee PhillipsA psychotherapist and a certified sex and couples therapist . What’s newer is that the pandemic has left many married couples stuck in the same place all the time, thrown into a “Groundhog Day” scenario. They were never apart, so there was nothing new or exciting. After work, we wait for each other to go home. Other problems that contribute to sexless marriages include lack of erotic fulfillment, inability to communicate, or inconsistent libido.

marilyn chinitzShe is a partner at Blank Rome LLP, which specializes in marital law.She believes many marriages are salvageable, so she tries to refer clients to a therapist whenever possible. She said that is not a lack of sex, but that marital problems that lead to a lack of sex also lead to divorce.

“If you have a sexless relationship, there are other things going on in the marriage in general, and maybe it’s not a happy relationship as a whole.” I don’t like it.I’m mad at you.We don’t have time.We’re not having sex.What happens after that?It’s going to be a domino effect.”

Start talking about your needs and listen to their needs

If one partner wants sex more than the other, or wants to try different things to spice up the relationship, both people need to talk it out. , couples may avoid these conversations for fear of getting into a fight, so they probably need to see a professional as well. How to decide If you are ready for couples therapy.

Phillips asks clients about “erotic templates” and lets them suggest what they’d like to do, whether it’s a date night, a dress-up role-play, or involves more compliments and attention. Things are like awakening marriages and relationships,” he said.

but you don’t know About those things unless you ask – and listen. You may be surprised at what you learn by having serious conversations, sharing your thoughts, and being open to hearing your partner’s opinion. Phillips said he’s seen customers who aren’t. I want Having more sex or getting involved in your spouse’s specific interests or fetishes, it’s okay for your partner to be looking for porn that caters more to their needs. You can also explore open relationships. (Click here for how to hold that conversation.)

Chinitz pointed out that while there are many ways a marriage can be fruitful, sex isn’t everything. Even if the methods you employ are out of the ordinary, you may find that the partnership is worth maintaining.

stick to your plan

Perhaps after these talks with your therapist, you will have more information about what your partner needs and more insight into what you need. If is affecting your sex life, you can choose to schedule date nights. If someone feels undervalued, they may promise to pay more attention to each other. Whatever it is, stick with it. Otherwise, you’re only exacerbating existing problems.

If after doing that you find yourself fed up and looking for a divorce, remember that there may be other options for help and support. She and Phillips have seen couples turn their marriages around with professional help and effort. I came. It’s possible, but you have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations and collaborate to address the underlying issues.

“You are can Learn to explore your interests and share them with each other can We create new ways to connect,” said Phillips. “Sex is a way to feel connected, and it’s actually really fun.” He said he loves his clients to walk out of the office feeling “something to do.” The trick is not just finding what to work with, but really working with it. The good news is that it’s fun to do.