How to know if you have the fear of abandonment (and what to do about it)

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It’s normal to feel a little anxious and anxious about new romantic interests and new friends. However, if you find yourself overly worried about being abandoned and left behind by others, you may be afraid to be abandoned.

“The fear of abandonment is the fear of consuming everything. People near you may leave you. ” Dr. Nereida Gonzalez Berríos, Certified psychiatrist. “You are in constant anxiety that the people around you will leave, or you will be left alone, or isolated from your social structure.”

For example, Gonzales-Berríos says, you may feel Someone you love deeply will leave you and never come back.You may experience a feeling of isolation and the inability to emotionally connect with others You are always overwhelmed by the fear of being alone. Feel emotionally ignored and not heard by the most important of you life..

Fear of abandonment also symbolizes anxiety, poor self-image, and a sense of worthlessness. Dr. Gonzales Berríos the meantime situation Not classified as Official phobia, she cautions If left untreated, “anxiety seems to get worse over time.”

So where does the fear of abandonment come from, what are the signs, and what can you do about it?

Where does the fear of abandonment come from?

The fear of being abandoned is often rooted in some kind of attachment trauma that makes it difficult to trust others.

“”[Fear of abandonment stems from] Someone you have an attachment to, usually an early childhood parent, but not always when you abandon you in some way“Is called Brianna Sanders, Licensed professional counselor. “Whether they physically abandon you or emotionally ignore you exists, but is harmful in some way that betrays your safety, or even if they die unexpectedly. —All of these can be in the form of attachment trauma. From this traumatic event, your nervous system rewrites itself to minimize the harm of potential abandonment in the future. “

These traumatic events can develop from the fear of being left behind, losing parents or partners due to death or divorce, or suffering from some sort of betrayal from a trusted person.

How does the fear of abandonment manifest itself?

Fear of abandonment can take many forms, Usually linked to the attachment style of relationships. Sanders says that this fear usually manifests itself in one of three ways: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and horrific attachment.

AA nifty attachment “is obsessed with ensuring that the needs of the attachment are met.” Sanders explains. “”THe always checks if someone likes you, easily notices if someone’s communication pattern changes or diminishes, and it’s your responsibility to keep others from leaving. I feel like there is. If you don’t do these things, you will experience a lot of anxiety. The purpose of the attachment you care about is to maintain intimacy. Because it’s close [equals] safety. “

People with avoidant personality “avoid sticking to others for fear of being abandoned.” Sanders says. “”It looks like it keeps things away from people when they start to get intimate with them, avoids vulnerabilities, and keeps things at the surface level. I need a lot of space Especially in a romantic relationship. The goal of avoidant personality is to maintain independence because they are equal independence. safety. “

people With a terrifying attachment, “I want to experience intimacy and maintain their independence, but I’m afraid of both, “says Sanders. “”Usually, the caregivers of scary attachments were so unpredictable that it is difficult for them to feel safe in a close relationship, but they also feel anxious. Without it Close relationship. Their behavior may seem very confusing to the outside world They don’t know how to mitigate the fear of abandonment internally. ”

According to Dr. Gonzales Berríos, other signs of fear of abandonment are:

  • Try to connect quickly with unknown people
  • Tendency to seek attention
  • There is no long-term healthy relationship
  • Detailed, Tendency to blame
  • nTake responsibility for wrong actions
  • If left alone, it will hurt and feel pain
  • I feel jealous if someone else talks to their loved ones
  • Lack of trust in others
  • Search for Hidden meaning of tHe is the behavior of their loved ones
  • Lack of emotional control
  • always Doubt the state of the relationship
  • cPotential anxiety Lose a partner, parent, friend, or child

How to deal with the fear of abandonment

Fear of being abandoned usually results from deep-seated anxiety and childhood trauma, so Dr. Gonzales Berríos says it is important to try to understand the roots of trauma, preferably with the help of therapists and counselors. increase...Consideration “why…You feel suffering, Or what if people leave you? She says.. “”If you can identify the worst-case scenario, you can boldly face fear. “

Sanders also says it’s important to recognize that what you used to do kept you safe. He “thanks for the defense mechanism. And give them permission to leave when you start making safety within. “

Another exercise to consider: connection In my part I’m afraid. “Notice how you are talking to yourself now,” says Sanders... “”Notice how it instills your current pattern and fear of abandonment. When people learn to be afraid to leave you or emotionally ignore you, be aware of where it came from and how old you were.“

And finally, It is important to create safety within. “Let’s make the inner voice of the person who needs it as a child so as not to abandon you,” Sand said.ers say.. “”Talk to yourself as that person whenever you are experiencing the fear of abandonment. When you can attach it firmly to yourself, [you can] Consistently heals the fear of abandonment over time. ”

According to Sanders, the best way to do all this is Through regular meditation practice.. “From 5 o’clock Increased to 15 in a few minutes a day A few minutes a day. If you are new to meditation, using guided meditation is not a shame. In fact, I recommend it. “

How to know if you have the fear of abandonment (and what to do about it)

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