How to know if you are co-dependent (and what to do about it)

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Relationships require a delicate balance of respecting the needs and desires of two people and putting them together in one unit.Normally, with a healthy connection, you Talk about what you need for a relationship In addition to supporting and respecting the needs of our partners —And vice versa. However, if you prioritize the needs of your partner and start ignoring your needs, the balance can be significantly out of balance. This is where co-dependencies work.

“The term codependence means emotional attachment, dependence, and dependence on someone that makes a relationship feel deadlocked and trapped,” he said. Dr. Nereida Gonzalez Berríos, Certified psychiatrist. “Codependence loses its breathing space as if it were a complete loss of personal space and freedom.”

CodDependencies can be found in all types of relationships, including family, friends, and colleagues, but when it comes to romantic relationships, co-dependencies can be intense.

“In this type of relationship, partners or, in some cases, both are overly dependent on each other. One of the partners is a caretaker, and dependent partners are like those who cannot sustain and survive on their own. I feel. “ Gonzales-Berríos says.. “In severe cases, dependent partners can start using their caretaker partners, and relationships can be abusive, emotionally exhausting, anxious and anxious.”

in some cases, “The bond clearly looks very moving and romantic, But it lacks trust And it has a lot of operational emotional reactions from both ends. “

So why does this happen?according to Tammy NelsonAuthor of Sex and Relationship Therapists Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating an Ideal Relationship AgreementThe level of people’s joy in co-dependence reflects low self-esteem and a lack of positive self-image.

“This hinders communication and leads to irritable relationships,” she says. “Co-dependents careTake partners beyond their needs, build dependencies, ignore the need for their self-care and integrity, and increase the potential of gas lamps. “

If this sounds familiar to you, here are some other signs of codependence and what you can do about it.

Where does codependence come from?

“Codependence can feel pleasing to people and can be a sign of low self-esteem. Delighting parents is a way to survive and must deal with parental addiction, narcissism and abuse. Most often seen in people raised in dysfunctional families, the only option that had to be done. “ Nelson says.. “The symptoms of codependence are the need to fix others, the inability to set clear boundaries, the permanent sacrifice of one’s needs for a partner, and the resentment that your desires are never taken into account. It is included.”

Signs of codependence

Taking care of your partner is not necessarily unhealthy. But if there is little reward from your partner and you are self-sacrificing what you need. Gonzales-Berríos saysThen you may be co-dependent.

“Relationships feel empty and exhausted. Caretakers feel overwhelmed and never get love and approval for what they are doing for their“ recipient ”partners. “ Gonzales-Berríos says.. “Caretaker partners try to satisfy and please their” caretaker “partners at any cost. In co-dependence, caretaker partners feel constant anxiety about pleasing their partners and feel guilty when they think about their needs. “

Another obvious sign of codependence is whether you want your partner to have values.

“Both partners have a negative self-image and cannot verify their feelings without mutual approval.” Gonzales-Berríos says.. “Co-dependent partners depend on their caretakers for their value and well-being.“ Taker ”partners are poor and emotionally dependent on other partners. As a result, “taker” partners are “not emotionally satisfied. They are trying to pay attention to the abuse of other partners.”

Other signs are:

• The Taker Partners compare their love life with others and always feel that the relationship lacks something important.
• No partner tries to break the cycle of abuse because they are unsafe and afraid to act as remote humans.
• In co-dependency, taker partners feel jealous when they see their partner spending time with someone else.
• Taker partners, on the other hand, are willing to be needed and will try to please them completely.
• Both partners usually have a history of poor attachment styles in early childhood. This makes them feel less valuable and less self-esteem.
• The relationship is full of irritation and oppressed anger from both ends, but it still looks good.

What to do if you have a co-dependency

It’s not easy to admit that you are co-dependent, but the sooner you recognize the signs, the more you can start changing patterns with the help you need.

“To heal from co-dependence in relationships, it is important to develop a healthy selfishness,” Nelson said. To tell.. “Being able to take care of yourself in the first place means that you have the ability to self-care to exist for your partner. your family. “

According to Nelson, eating well, resting, exercising, spending time with friends, focusing on work and hobbies, finding time for yoga and meditation, listening to your own music, walking in nature. All of this is an example that focuses on putting your needs first. .. “This kind of narcissism allows us to love others more completely and more realistically,” she says.

In addition, Nelson encourages you to be honest with your partner about what you are feeling. “Remember that codependence comes from childhood adversity, so you may have taken too much responsibility for the feelings of others and ignored your feelings,” she says. “Now, as an adult, you can speak up.”

Gonzalez-Berrios understands that for all of your good intentions, breaking the pattern can be difficult. “Codependence is an emotional spiral because both partners meet each other’s needs in a particular way. It’s hard to break the deep negatives of a relationship.”

“Co-dependent partners must realize that it’s not a mistake to have different opinions, preferences, and preferences from their partners,” she says. “Both partners need to focus on self-care and narcissism. They need to understand that love is unconditional and not necessary. You can love others in a healthy way. Only if they are safe and love from the inside out. “

This means that therapy can be an option for both parties to learn proper coping skills and to learn couple therapy to help develop and set healthy boundaries.