How to actually calm down during a discussion

You can feel it brewed in seconds leading up to a big debate. You are ready to relieve flares, flush your face, and suddenly say aloud that you know you can’t get it back. Blow-off battles, and even regular-scale Vickers sessions, can cause irreparable damage to all types of relationships. If you engage in one of them Whether you are a stranger or not Jointworker, Or friends, You cannot be completely sure of the result. You can only hope that the situation does not become violent.

However, in these few seconds, you have a choice.You don’t always have control over the situation, but you can deescalate it. yourself.. Here are some tips to help you calm down when things get hot.

Understand why you feel the urge to fight

The urge to fight does not come out of nowhere. It is the product of your temperament, your past experience, your personal tastes, and certain situations. Depending on how all of this works, you’ll find that you’re ready to notice when you feel threatened, despised, or the other person is ready to discuss with you. maybe. You can’t do much to avoid moments of spontaneous tension, but now you can learn about yourself so you can better understand your impulses when the time comes. ..

AsSuccess coach Ronnie Bloom I will explain“Most people are familiar with the” fight or flight “as an adrenaline-filled reaction that we receive when we perceive a threat. [They] It is part of the survival response quartet. The other two in the family are “freeze” and “phone”. All four are instinctive reactions that help us maximize our capabilities and survive the threat emotionally and physically. “

The “battle” instinct will put you in an aggressive position. The “escape” instinct guides you to completely release. “Freeze” instinct is gone you We are completely unable to respond to perceived threats. The “fawn” instinct meets you I’m trying to please the other person to avoid a collision.

Look back on how you dealt with the overheated situation In the past. Did you please or run away from people by default?Your previous experience plays a big role in how you react in the future.. In situations where things went wrong when you became assertive or aggressive, you may have learned to avoid that path-or not.Some of us are worried about the results of the past, some of us may not yet be facing the results of the fight.. spend Time to work to question your motivations and actions and to understand yourself as you can, very Even if only slightly, Avoid looking for your barrel situationDrive your aggression to someone else — it’s possible It only exacerbates your problem.

“In many cases, the’fighting’reaction leads to more fallout and damage than is already in hand,” Bloom warned.

Deescalation comes long before the battle begins

self-By understanding I was nervous Aggressive conflict.. nevertheless, The point of the fight / escape / freeze / fawn framework is that these reactions are primarily the subconscious.Lots of deEscalation work Come long before possible battles.

“The first thing people need to know is if they are’fighting’, [mode] That way, it’s likely that it’s part of their brain responsible for reason, and the deliberations are offline, “says Bloom. “”Our brain does that so you don’t get paralyzed when the bear is chasing us. In my opinion, why this knowledge is so important —It informs us that logic and reason are not the next step. Calming the physical and mental rejuvenation of being in a “fight” must be a top priority. ” MeT key for you know You are in a “fight” in the first place, that is, you have to felt That’s because reasoning left the building.

She suggested trying to bring a sense of “fight” to your body when you weren’t actually fighting, And you will notice how it feels. Ask yourself where your feelings are in your body —Is it colored, is it shaped, is it heavy, is it tingling, or is it numb? Use the adjectives that work to identify how the response feels and remember it.

“This is a fight,” she said. “The next time it happens, you will be able to better recognize it and know to start de.Escalation process. “

How to actually calm down in battle

It is important to understand the origin of the fight or escape reaction, but wWhen theory becomes a practice, there are other things you need to know at the moment. Bloom suggests If possible, withdraw from the active situation. This can mean going to a room, walking outside, or heading to a bathroom stall.

“The idea is to put yourself in a space where you can safely express and calm this instinct,” she says... YYou can hit the pillow, scream, or find another way to express aggression... Consider opening the Notes app and entering everything you want to say to others at that moment. However, do not actually enter it. Send it in their way.

Take a moment after you get out of that aggressionCalm yourself: Try yoga, have a special meal, enjoy your favorite music, or do anything that makes you happy.

“This safe expression and method of calm brings you back to the space where reason and logic have returned online, freeing them again for decision-making and contemplation.” Bloom says..

Still, she is careful you can not Take off to an isolated location. In such cases, take a deep breath and summon the best restraint you can manage until you have an exit... Keep in mind that fallout from pursuing a fight that will continue to exist as much as possible can be serious and long lasting.

“Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel,” she said, referring to your final opportunity to free yourself from the situation...