Ask Amy: The host with the fewest guests

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Dear Amy: My husband and I have lived in the neighborhood for about 10 years. We are friendly neighbors.

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One house has always been a “trouble” house. Loud arguments were heard, SWAT teams showed up to arrest an adult son (wow), neighbors accused children of stealing tools from a shed, and recently reports of gunshots being fired. and the police were there again.

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Last summer we hosted a backyard party and set up a bar in the basement.

The mother of the house came uninvited.

We welcomed her because we didn’t want to be rude. She then brought her son and his girlfriend and settled down at our bar.

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They all seemed friendly, but when guests were leaving they asked them to stay. They wanted to stay longer and offered to clean up, tour the house, and use the bathroom (they live a block away!).

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I eventually sent them takeaway drinks and made them leave.

They happened to ask me once if we would host again (they can see our garden from their place).

We don’t like it very much at home.

Should I host and say “private party” when they show up?

I don’t want to be your friend, but I’m your neighbor. help!

– Hospitality has its limits

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Dear limit: If these neighbors ask you if you plan to throw a party, at any party, you should say: Unplanned. “

And then you have to host the party you want to host.

When these people show up, greet them outside the entrance and say, “Hello, we have guests here and we can’t talk right now.”

If they decide to invite themselves, you should tell them in a friendly yet firm manner that it’s a private party and that you’ll catch up on another occasion.

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Dear Amy: About half a year ago, my 64-year-old husband received public assistance due to mental and physical decline.

He adapted very well. I visit him every day.

I also adjusted to my new life alone with the help of my children and grandchildren who visited him weekly.

I am lucky to have caring and friendly neighbors and friends. But there is one problem that bothers me a lot and bothers me.

Few of our married friends (few couples left) called from the beginning of all this.

My best friend, whom I have known for over 50 years, never visited me, rarely called me, and invited me to her house only once for coffee.

Feeling abandoned when you need your closest friends the most.

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What happened? what did i do am i a threat to them? If so, why?

I’ve heard similar things from widowed friends.

I understand that I have to make new friends. I am actively involved in church and community activities, but I am disappointed in my “old and true forever friend.”

Any thoughts on what is happening and why?

– Searching

Dear Search: It sounds like you’ve adjusted well to this big life change. I regret having to do so without the company of some of my closest friends.

you haven’t done anything wrong Also, I don’t think you are a “threat” to your friends. But your situation is threatened. For some, it is a gentle reminder of the possibilities of difficult times ahead.

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The geometry of your life has changed and this change has thrown you out of balance with your friends who are couples.

You might try to be a little more aggressive with these friends. You can ask if they want to visit your husband with you, and then you can have lunch together.

Talk openly with your “best friend” – tell her that you miss her and hope your friendship survives this adjustment.

Dear Amy: loose. That letter from the “middle stepmother” regarding her stepson’s condom use and the fact that his girlfriend didn’t use contraception! I couldn’t understand how birth control seemed to be her responsibility.

If there aren’t enough condoms and this guy doesn’t want to have children, shouldn’t he have to have a vasectomy?!

– disappointing

Disappointed Dear: To be fair, the position of this family was that contraception should be the responsibility of both partners. I agree not.