Why “Revenge Cheat” Doesn’t Work

Infidelity is a heartbreak. If you have been deceived, you will feel a myriad of emotions, from resentment and anger to hurt and betrayal. Not surprisingly, you might even want to hurt your partner because of the pain they inflicted on you, such as joining her cheats.

“Revenge cheating is when an individual cheats on their partner in retaliation for their partner’s infidelity.” Hannah Guy, says a licensed clinical social worker. “Simply put, it’s cheating on your partner as a way to get back at them for cheating on you.”

The Revenge cheat may seem like a quick fix, but in the long run it’s not a healthy reaction to your wounds. Here’s what you need to know about revenge scams.

What is revenge cheating?

“Revenge cheating is when you discover that your partner has cheated on you (either emotionally or physically) and intentionally ‘get revenge’ by cheating,” Guy explains. It usually takes place in long-term relationships and marriages where betrayal cuts deep and has the right to invest years and years of energy into the relationship.

Types of revenge scams

According to Guy, the main types of cheating fall into emotional or physical cheating. “But each relationship has its own boundaries when it comes to cheating. Is not.”

Emotional cheating is emotional involvement with another person without physical completion, such as sharing an intimate story, becoming someone’s best friend, or developing an emotional attachment. means

Physical infidelity is when someone becomes sexually intimate with someone other than their partner. This may include sexting and sharing nude photos.

Why do people cheat for revenge?

In summary, I have an obsession trauma. “Attachment He Trauma is when he has never been taught how to have healthy and safe relationships with others,” Guy explains. “For many people, this trauma occurs in early childhood by their parents. You may also experience attachment trauma later in life (let’s say your partner is cheating on you). As a method, it influences how future relationships proceed.”

People with this type of trauma have learned that the only way to react to their partner’s infidelity is to hurt them, says Guy. “This is not a place of deep hurt, anger, loss, and fear of abandonment. It’s about hurting your partner.

Does Revenge Cheating Make Your Relationship or Partner Feel Better?

Simply put, no. “Cheating in general destroys trust between partners. Revenge cheating may feel satisfying at first, but ultimately it annoys you,” says Guy. “Hurting a partner, especially for revenge, will neither help nor heal your relationship. You can not.

According to Guy, cheating for revenge is never a good idea, especially if you want to save the relationship. Not only do they avoid dealing with revenge, they can endanger their morals and values ​​and suffer great guilt by revengeful misconduct. You will feel more pain, combined with the loss you are already experiencing.

What Should Couples Do About Infidelity?

“You can’t fix this yourself,” says Guy. “The problems you’re experiencing likely existed before someone cheated, and these problems need to be addressed in addition to those that arise because of infidelity. Your There are likely maladaptive communication patterns in relationships that are really hard to change, and this is definitely the time to seek professional help.”

How to forgive your partner for cheating

There is no step-by-step manual for forgiving your partner. “Forgiveness is an individual journey, and it takes time and patience,” explains Guy. “Don’t rush. Give yourself space to really feel the pain you’re going through. By forcing yourself, you’re hindering your ability to fully heal.”