Use These “Boundary Phrases” During Offensive Conversations

Whether it’s a colleague, a sibling, or a small talk stranger, most people don’t cross boundaries on purpose. (Also, the family knows Exactly button presses, etc.) Set different kinds of personal boundaries—and the first step is knowing yourself and knowing where to draw the boundaries for different behaviors. What about more harmless boundary crossings? What about out-of-place jokes or slightly offensive personal questions?

Every day, you may not have the time or energy to constantly assert your limits and address potential conflicts. In cases like this, if the script is unclear, having a few key “boundary phrases” on hand can help you deal with someone who crosses the line.

Use These Phrases to Set Conversation Boundaries

In this TikTok, boundary coach and content creator Kami Orange, said, “Hmm. What a weird way to say it?” as an example of a go-to boundary phrase. Orange also notes that not all phrases apply in all situations and may not work in all relationships. for example,”how strange to ask,” might work if someone asks an overly personal question, but might not suffice in the face of racist comments. , a judgment must be made.

Here are some examples for building your personal boundary phrase arsenal.

• What a strange thing to say!
• there is no time.
• Come back to this problem in a few hours when the two of you have time to think.
• I am not obliged to explain to you.
• it doesn’t work for me.
• Let me pause there.
• It’s not really up for debate.
• I know you think it’s “just a joke”, but it’s not funny.
• why did you say that
• why are you asking me that
• do you think it is appropriate?
• Could you please explain what’s wrong with that?
• Thank you for worrying about me [x]. Take it from here.
• You’ll probably have to search on Google.

Again, the goal here is not to memorize these phrases word for word. With a little preparation, I’m ready to create space between you and the impending confrontation.

When to be silent, when to speak up

Sometimes the best tactic is to let the silence speak for itself. If your co-worker asks out-of-bounds questions about your love life, you may choose not to respond to cues that you are not even beginning to get involved. If it keeps bothering you about, “no comment” can help stave off a nasty battle.

Again, you don’t want silence enabling other people’s comments. If someone is spreading misinformation or hate, you have a responsibility to speak up, even if it makes you uncomfortable. A boundary phrase of sorts is better than being silent. The scripted phrases above will help you avoid being confused or at a loss for words.