What to do if you find yourself “parenting” your partner

All relationships are different, including in terms of power dynamics. Whether couples are striving for an equal partnership or, in some cases, genuinely believe they have a partner, they may, in fact, be stuck in certain unhealthy patterns of behavior.

When is an example One partner will “parent” the otherAt first, this parent-child dynamic may seem to work: the “parent” in the relationship may enjoy having a purpose. They are needed, but “kids” appreciate attention and don’t need to lead things.

But of course, this arrangement is not ideal in the long run. Here’s what to do if you find yourself “parenting” your partner.

How to change parent-child dynamics

Beyond the basic assumption that your partner is immature or not yet mature, there are many reasons why you can take the role of “parent” in a romantic relationship. “Learning” to be an adult.

Maybe this was how your parents got married, or maybe you grew up being told that once you meet a potential husband or wife, you have to “train” them. Or maybe you Coping with Anxiety, Trauma, and/or Uncertainty In order for you to feel safe and secure, you are subconsciously trying to mold your partner into the person you need.

Whatever the reason, once you’ve identified that this is happening in your relationship, it’s probably time to address it.

understand what you want

If you haven’t taken the relationship seriously since it started, take the time to figure out if this is a relationship you want to continue or if it’s best to go your separate ways. psychology article todayTherapist Yvonne Castañeda suggests asking yourself two simple questions about your partner. and she said, “What exactly do I love?”

Doing this may help you understand that you and your partner share shared values ​​and beliefs. Either way, you’ll have a better idea of ​​what you want.

step back

No matter how hard it is, the time has come please step down Increase your opportunities to contribute to your partner and lead the relationship. Ask for their opinion on how they do something instead of just doing it yourself. Make decisions together and share responsibility for results. This includes seemingly low-risk tasks like household chores.

This can be unnerving at first, but I hope my partner does well.

focus on yourself

If you do decide to continue the relationship, it may be time to work on yourself instead of just focusing on improving and nurturing your partner. consult a therapist It helps you identify your typical relationship patterns and how you can challenge this behavioral belief.

You can also try to be more overt when communicating your needs instead of correcting what your partner does. Keel Brady, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapistwhich can prevent resentment from building and help you connect more with your partner.