How to share your sexual fantasy with your partner without feeling strange

Everyone has a sexual fantasy. Maybe you include role-playing and tampering with BDSM. Whatever it is, your sexual fantasy excites you, so it makes sense for you to share it with your partner.But you can talk loudly to our partners about our sexual fantasies Make us feel uncomfortable and awkward, especially if your fantasies feel dangerousé.. You may be afraid of your partner’s judgment or their rejection, or You may be afraid that your fantasies will reveal something strange about you.You may feel lonelyAccording to a certified sex therapist Aria MooreThese are pretty common horrors for many of us.

“Acknowledging your sexual fantasy to yourself can be anxious. And when you say it out loud to your partner, especially if you don’t know how your partner will react, “she says. “Talking about sex with a partner is already difficult enough for some people. It makes people feel defenseless. Add to that talking about sexual fantasy, and especially yours. If you think your fantasy is taboo or gross, you will feel extra exposed. “

Aside from the fear of refusal, Moore says many people are worried that their thoughts and fantasies are not the same as those of their partners.

“You may be scared to share them, as your partner may decide what to turn you on,” she says.r You may be afraid of what your fantasy says about your current and past relationships with you. “

But share your sexual fantasy with your partner— —And will be open to talk to you about them— —It is important when it comes to establishing trust and intimacy in your relationship. If you’re expecting to turn red and be tied up with your tongue when it comes to sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner, here’s to create a safe and comfortable space for both of you. There is something to keep in mind.

Remember that it’s normal to have sexual fantasy

Sexual fantasy is neither strange nor crude. In fact, they are normal.

“Sexual fantasy evokes the erotic images we recall in our heads.” Moore says.. “And if you’re wondering if we all have them, yes! Each person has a sexual fantasy. Fantasy is unique to all human beings. In fact, they provide insights into someone’s personality, relationships, and overall well-being. “

According to Moore, there are many reasons people fantasize.From experiencing a variety of sexual sensations and arousals to meet unmet needs, to exploring taboo desires, escaping reality and reducing anxiety.

“Not all sexual fantasies in your head, taboo or not, mean you’re bad or something is wrong,” she says. “They don’t even have to mean anything about you. Instead, think of these fantasies as a dream, or a way to express your desires and needs that you have no control over.”

Why you may want to live your sexual fantasy

Sometimes fantasy stays that way— —Fantasy. But sometimes our sexual fantasies encourage us to carry them out in real life, and it again emphasizes that Moore is perfectly normal.

“These sexy dreams empower people to test their desires, and when they try, the experience gives you more than about your sexual orientation. You can teach. It even prepares you for possible sexual events. All of these provide new insights into your desires and limits. “

Of course, you need to speak before acting on your sexual fantasy First your partnerMoore states that before exploring fantasy, consent must be established and boundaries with partners.

Even if you don’t plan to play all the fantasies with an agreed partner, Moore says:Add a unique flavor to your everyday sex life. “

What is your sexual fantasy?

Before talking to your partner about your sexual fantasy, it’s a good idea to be curious about what your fantasy is and how you want to act with your partner. is.

According to Moore, some common fantasies include sex with multiple partners like threesomes and orgies. Engage in violent sex, kink, or BDSM; role-playing (Common roles played by couples include bosses / employees, professors / students, doctors / nurses, and so on. Have sex in a public place.

You don’t need to know all the exact details about your fantasy before talking to your partner about it, but knowing what you want and why it turns you on It is important to think ahead to help you understand your own desires. It will also give you a better idea of ​​how to answer any questions your partner may have.

“Once you finally admit these disgusting fantasies to yourself, it will be easier to bring them to your partner.” Moore says.. “Think this way. If you try to understand your feelings, needs, desires, and your partner’s feelings, you will be a good sexual partner.”

How to talk about your sexual fantasy with your partner

Now you are ready to talk to your partner about sexual fantasy. How do you get started?

Moore proposes to take up the topic outside the bedroom or sexual situation. “By doing so, you and your partner have time to think without being pressured to get things done right away,” she says.

Now that you know the fantasy or scenario you want to run or run, Moore encourages you to explain why you want to run the fantasy and share as much of the scenario details as possible. “The more details you have, the more likely it is that your fantasy will unfold as you wish.Without feeling weird or embarrassed, “she says. “Also, the results will be more fun and intimate for you and your partner.”

If you don’t know how to ease the conversation, Moore suggests sharing your fantasy with your partner by telling them that you had a sultry dream about them last night. “Something,” we were in this historical drama. You were counted and I was your mistress … “The secret here is to grow your fantasy as a compliment. When you include your partner in your fantasy from the beginning, it’s clear to them that what you’re sharing is just fantasy, nothing more. “

After sharing your sexual fantasy, Moore says it’s important to ask your partner what they think.. “It’s just as important to ask your partner if there’s a scenario they’re thinking of playing. Your partner has responded to you, so respond gently.”

And if you think one intimate conversation about fantasy is going to do that, Moore says it can’t be helped. “The conversation about sexual fantasy shouldn’t be one-time, and it’s over. No, no. It should consist of a series of discussions between agreeing partners.”

What to do if your partner rejects your sexual fantasy

Sharing your fantasy with your partner for the first time can be challenging and you should Be proud of what you have done for it.But Moore warns you need to be prepared for your partner’s response— —This can be positive or negative.

“Be prepared for the reaction your partner gives you before sharing your sexual fantasies or playing with your partner.– –Good or bad. If they’re tired of it or react negatively, try again, “she says.

then”next time” Come and you’re ready to reopen with your partner, Moore talks more about ideas, asks them why they felt that way about your fantasy, and suggests going from there ..

“Maybe your sexual fantasy isn’t right for them, or they may have something very different from yours. That’s okay... Sexual fantasies vary from person to person. “

Most importantly Moore saysSets clear boundaries in aspects of fantasy scenarios, whether you or your partner feel comfortable. “As long as you and your partner are within the limits, it’s not a bad thing to try different things until you find some that work for you and you.”

How to explore your sexual fantasy in the bedroom

If you and your partner agree to try one of your fantasies, Moore says the first thing you should do is set clear boundaries. “Explain what you are happy with and what you are not about the scenario you want to run. Remember that healthy boundaries are bidirectional—They are not only for you but also for your partner. “

She suggests pre-creating a list of what you think is sexy and what is off limits. Then establish safe language and stop acting immediately when things become uncomfortable or overwhelming.

Moore emphasizes that consent is an important aspect of establishing sexual fantasy throughout the experience. “Both partners need to give and get consensus throughout. Even if you’ve been with them for years, you need to be 100% sure that each action has reached an agreement,” she said. say. “For example, if you’re playing a punishment scenario, you need to let your partner know what’s comfortable and what’s overkill. Is that okay? Is it called a sneaky name? Do you prefer verbal and verbal punishment or tapping a light ass? Tell your partner your limits and vice versa. “

Consent between sexual partners is very important when establishing BDSM. Moore says.. “All actions must be safe, sane and consensual (SSC). Other than agreeing to safe language, partners set limits and Draw boundaries and check in to each other before, during, and after play. “

Discussing your limits should be done in front of the bedroom (Moore calls it “negotiation”), but she advises that it’s also best to check in with your partner throughout the scene. .. “If something is okay For you and your partner, that doesn’t mean it will happen automatically. Therefore, be sure to communicate through your interactions. “

Then enjoy and enjoy your sexy fantasy turned into reality. Try out costumes, props and different environments. If that’s what your fantasy demands, devote yourself to a new experience. “After all the plans, don’t be overwhelmed by them all,” Moore says. “The goal of playing your fantasy is to turn on you and your partner.”

When performing a scenario or fantasy for the first time, she also says don’t be afraid to laugh at it when things don’t go as planned. “Don’t sweat if you get awkward or break your personality. Enjoy the show and move on. It’s playing a sexy scene or ending it and running. Is to find another scenario to do. “

Another tip? End play with aftercare. “Aftercare can be done verbally, or you can pay attention to or spend time with your partner after a new (often intense) sexual experience. For example, you now have. You can talk about sex. This last step is very important if you just like yourself and don’t want to fall into the cycle of doing things your partner doesn’t like. “

Ultimately, even if you both decide not to enact your fantasies together, Moore says that having an honest conversation with your partner “brings you closer and respects each other.” increase.