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Don’t be a defensive listener.Other ways to fight ‘better’ with your partner

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it is natural to defend When you feel misunderstood, especially in a romantic relationship. open communication Key to any relationship, a defensive response (which is likely to be hostile to your partner) can quickly destroy misunderstandings and hopes of overcoming misunderstandings. Luckily, the same simple communication tips you can help you at work It can also apply to your romantic relationships. Here are some tips for overcoming misunderstandings and building healthier, happier relationships.

please rememberyou and your partner are a team

Dr. Lisa Firestone claims of psychology today As for “communal communication,” a technique typically used in work environments, she claims it helps in romantic relationships. likewise. All collaborative communication tenants may have their own perspectives expressed by different parties, but it boils down to the fact that they are all working towards a common goal.

in a joint communication, firestone writes, “We often have to fight our own urges that come from a more reactive, defensive, or combative place in ourselves.” The idea is that you’re all on the same team. is. That belief may be hoaxed when you’re communicating with your co-workers, but it should be a true guide for your romantic partner. Here is:

Hadevelop a teamwork mindset

Instead of approaching fights with your partner “just for yourself,” try to establish the fact that you two are working toward a common goal (if that goal ultimately “breaks up”). ). You can assert your feelings without being belligerent. This does not mean that both must agree on all points. It’s unreal. Instead, try to understand their point of view as deeply as possible. that way, You don’t feel attacked, and instead of pushing each other away, you can pave the way for communicating in a way that promotes unity.

listen without defense

One of the best hacks to improve your listening skills: pretend you’re a hostage negotiatorObviously, talking to your partner is different than talking to a terrorist (if you do talk to a terrorist, consider ending the relationship ASAP).

To avoid sounding defensive, you need to show your partner that you’re really listening. Remember to slow down and process their words. Body such as nodding Use her language to show that you are actively listening and to clearly communicate how you are interpreting what the other person is saying. Please also ask questions. Anything that feels natural and actually helps you understand your partner’s point of view is fine.

invite someone

Present yourself in a way that the other person understands where you are coming from. The easiest way to do this is boilerplate, but you have to use the “I” statement. for example,”you always do ___, you never listen“You can construct it like this”Feeling unheard and it hurts and makes you want to shut downFor collaborative communication to work, both sides need to accept the idea that they care about the other person’s point of view.


When you’re fighting with someone you care about, small miscommunications can get out of control. Indeed, the people we love the most have the power to make us the most militant. At the same time, if this is someone you truly love, empathizing with them on a deep level shouldn’t be such a big leap. Try to understand the point of view.

In most mundane fights, you can assert your own thoughts and feelings without hurting your partner’s thoughts and feelings. It is important to remember that there is

Don’t be a defensive listener.Other ways to fight ‘better’ with your partner

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