How (and why) to parent “connected results”

Amid the trend of raising children debtaway From punishment and harsh discipline, there is still conflict within the parenting community, and perhaps even within your own home, over how to get your child to do things that need to be neither too harsh nor too permissive. we talked natural result Let your children learn from their own mistakes and lack of preparation. A new term to consider when helping your child connect their actions to outcomes is “relevant outcomes,” especially if you are the one producing the outcome.

What are connected results?

The connected result is probably the same as making sure the “punishment fits the crime” of the gentle parenting set. I don’t want to punish my childRather, what happens after an action is the natural or produced result of actions that preceded it. For example, if a child doesn’t put his dirty socks away in the basket, the obvious consequence is that he won’t have any clean soccer socks.

Sometimes, as parents, we invent these results. If your child doesn’t seem to have the laundry where it should be and that’s the problem, the relevant result you’ve created could be that they can’t play video games until then. There is a possibility their laundry will be dealt with. The results are related to the event or behavior causing the problem. In this case, it is the time spent on household chores from leisure. Time is connected with time.

what we often do wrong

TikTok star Kc Davis (domestic blisters) explains it well with a working example: in this videoshe breaks down the importance of assessing whether you are posing a “relevant consequence” or threat to your child.

Many of us fear threatening or punishing our children for behaviors we do not want to enforce, especially when we are tired, stressed, or touched. The video points out that if a child hanging laundry all over the house presses a button on you and you simply tell them you can’t play video games if you don’t think about the consequences involved. I can. during the week Not until they finish their chores.

It’s more of a “punishment” than a “consequence”. Video games themselves have nothing to do with laundry, so the outcome has nothing to do with the behavior you’re trying to modify or change. Perhaps everyone gets angry and resentful, and the cycle continues with the next chore or the next power struggle.

How to tell the difference between punishment and consequences

of VeryWellFamily article, Sarah Vanbuskirk explains the difference between punishment and consequences:they may have intended to make children uncomfortableAlthough this may result in some discomfort, the goal is for the child to connect his actions with the consequences of his actions and then acquire the necessary motivation to make another choice. ” Keep this in mind when choosing reactions to actions.

Another thing we do as parents is to give too much consequences.your children I never have Put away the laundry and, because of your bad attitude, not only take away the video game, but also dispose of the video game console. But with these “too big” responses, the punishment doesn’t match or doesn’t fit the crime, and the child is less likely to connect the consequences to his or her actions. You just feel the devastation of losing the game.

Even worse is resorting to corporal punishment.rStudies show that corporal punishmentusing pain to “teach a lesson”, swearing, yelling excessively, and humiliating do not change a child’s behavior and cause lasting psychological damage. There is a possibility.

How to model connected results

by modeling Thinking aloud and explaining the logic also show the difference between threats and punishments and the natural and related consequences for children’s behavior.

So when your child does something that requires a result, explain why you enforce this boundary. until it’s clean, you cannot ride a bicycle with the neighborhood children. ”