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Ask Amy: My Husband Says the Highway Is His Way

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Dear Amy: I have been married to my husband for over 30 years. Our relationship is loving, yet challenging.

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I have always done most of the changes, adaptations and forgiveness.

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He’s not good at apologizing, but he’s kind and good.

We are professionally successful and support each other. All our adult children live nearby. We are a close and loving family.

I recently developed a condition called Amaxophobia, a specific phobia of riding in cars.

Symptoms include extreme anxiety, shortness of breath, nausea, and a pounding heart.

I have all these symptoms, but only when I am in the car my husband is driving.

It doesn’t affect me when I’m driving or riding with other people.

My husband has always been a fast driver, speeding and cornering other cars.

For the past few years I’ve felt safe holding on to the seat or side door and pressing my feet to the floor, but lately I’ve been feeling more anxious.

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The last time we rode together, I was in tears. Sweating, difficulty breathing, grinding teeth, and fear of getting into an accident.

We have been discussing this for a long time. He agreed to drive more slowly, but he won’t.

I suggested he drive locally and I drove on the highway.

He is reluctant to make this change, so I have been to the city (45 minutes away) with a friend for the past few months.

He now blames me for ruining our future retirement. He doesn’t want to go to therapy.

No other anxiety or fear issues.

Any suggestions I’m overlooking?

– Wife looking for answers

Dear looking: Your husband’s dangerous driving, speeding, and tailgating career makes him more likely to lead to an accident as he gets older and his reaction time slows down.

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I doubt he would allow a neutral person to evaluate his driving, but AARP offers an online driving course (aarpdriversafety.org). If you pass this course, not only will your insurance premium be cheaper, but it will also lead to safe driving guidance for your husband.

He’s staked his position, and you should be factual about your options and choices.

Your body’s extreme anxiety response is a clear signal telling you what you need to do.

When you and he travel long distances, buy, rent or rent a second car or use other transportation so that you can reach your destination safely and meet your husband when you arrive. It is recommended that

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Arriving safely at your destination won’t ruin your retirement. it saves it.

Seek therapy for yourself to manage your anxiety and discuss your reaction to your husband’s stubbornness and lack of respect.

Dear Amy: I have been with my partner for 22 years. We lived together most of that time.

We were talking about getting married after each child graduated from high school. That was 10 years ago.

My partner’s son, soon to be 30, ‘Sam’, is still living with us.

He pays nothing, does nothing about the house, and works when he feels like it. His mom still does his laundry and changes the sheets for him.

He’s taking a lot of stuff home now, and believes he’ll be fine doing so.

I completely disagree with the whole scenario.

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I think he should be told to leave.

It’s been 22 years, so I’m confused, but this is putting a lot of strain on Homefront.

The tips I threw out there didn’t seem to upset anyone or make a difference.

what should i do?

– Usability

Dear Used: Your patience and passivity have reached morbid proportions. I think you believe that you have no power or say in this relationship. But this is your life, your home, and you have the right (and responsibility) to make your own case for what you want.

It’s time to stop hinting and start talking.

Dear Amy: I have to admit, seeing the responses to “older women”, usually very solid columns claiming “hot sex” that is fun and not ashamed, made me very I was surprised and happy.

– new fans

Dear Fans: I think it’s because of the heat wave this year.

(For clarity, all this hot sex must be between available and consenting adults.)

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Ask Amy: My Husband Says the Highway Is His Way

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